I Blame Spiders
by Lady Yami
Summary: In which a Miss Miyuki Itsumi gets lost and messes around in someone's office - after suffering the wrath of a house spider and a foul-mouthed testament. But she's not afraid of the dark at all! Miyuki x Wilhelm silliness.


I Blame Spiders

AN: Another one. _ Um, they don't actually interconnect. They're all sort of at random intervals of…whatever timeline makes sense,I suppose. Haha.

…I'm sleepy.

X X X

So there I was, minding my own business when all the lights shut off. Which is scary, by the way. Very scary. Especially because I was in an elevator. Alone.

Filling my lungs with air, I acted like any other responsible adult would in my situation – I had a fit. After running around in circles about ten times, I smashed my forehead into the floor selection display about four times. It made an irritated buzzing and repeated the standby message. Grumbling, I slumped to the floor, and then shot up again when a sharp pain pinched me on the left arm. Glaring at the offending flesh, I glanced the tail end of a spider escaping through the cracks of the door. BASTARD!

Miserable, I slumped to the ground and pulled out my mobile to whine about my current situation. With great flourish, I wrote the following:

'DEAR EVERYONE.

EVERY DAY IS CUT CUT CUT. I AM STUCK IN AN ELEVATOR. IT IS DARK. A SPIDER HAS MADE ME ITS VICTIM AND I FEAR I AM DYING. IT'S ITCHY.

IF WE EVER SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN, PLEASE BRING ME A SODA.

Love,

Miyuki'

I sent the mass e-mail. Jin responded first, oddly enough, with some sort of meditation exercise. Next came sympathy from MOMO, followed by Shion. A few moments later, to my intense embarrassment, Gaignun Kukai of all people responded from Jr's phone. He said Jr. was in the shower, but he'd be happy to carry on the message, and to go down the river, not across.

I had just about opted for crying out of sheer embarrassment when the elevator lurched, then began to climb. Huh? I wobbled to my feet, carefully studying the readout. It was blank, scrambled and utterly NOT HELPFUL.

The doors opened to a dimly lit hallway and I rushed out, glad to be out of the pitch black cube of the elevator.

I looked around as the doors closed behind me. Not that this was much of an improvement…Peeking shyly around the corner, I found myself looking down yet another cavernous hallway, bright from starlight. Maybe I can find a maintenance panel around here and see what's going on…

After a few more minutes of wandering and getting steadily more edgy, I decided to retreat back to the elevator and just wait for someone to find me and yell. That was better than wandering around in the mute gloom of the empty corridors. Rooms shot off here and there, and I couldn't help but feel like this was perhaps someone's home. I scratched my arm in vexation. I hate spiders. Whoever lived here laid spider booby-traps.

My plan failed and I got lost, very badly. I frantically clicked out a mail to Shion, asking her if she knew anything about the top quarters of the Dammerung. There was the breath of fabric sweeping around the corner, and I whirled, almost catching sight of a crimson figure watching me. Heart pounding, I kept moving. What was this, a freaking carnival up here? A spooky rape carnival?

WITH SPIDERS.

Moments later, I heard music streaming from another room. I couldn't quite make out exactly what it was, but it was very familiar. The sweep of the orchestra, ominous, then robust, made me stay still for a moment. Almost entranced, I followed the music, mind filled with sweeping meadows and twilight.

As the music got louder, my courage increased, even in the dark. I arrived at two large double doors. Starlight and the sounds of an orchestra streamed invitingly from the doorway.

Putting on my imaginary explorer's cap, I knocked gently on the door. It echoed, but no response followed. Pursing my lips, I gently opened one door, peeking my head in.

An office? It was at least three stories high and bright with starlight. A desk and chair stood facing me, right under the gigantic window. The music was obviously coming from this room. I squinted up into the darkness, trying to discern exactly where from.

"Hello?" I called softly. No response. Whistling innocently, I made my way to the desk and sat down in the chair, kicking my feet up onto the desk and feeling kind of pleased with myself for no reason. I then put my legs down, because anyone who walked through the door would have a panty shot.

Man. I really shouldn't be in here. After a quick wedgie adjustment, I amused myself for about twenty minutes by propelling myself around the huge room on the wheelie chair. I kicked my feet against the smooth black walls and went flying about to my immense delight. Kicking off my boots to avoid scuffing the walls, I realized that nylons plus shiny floors equals skating, so that happened for another half an hour, until I crashed into the desk and cut myself pretty nicely along my thigh, bruising my arm and hand. Great. Is there any extremity I can _not _defile in some way today?

I scooted up to the computer, wincing at the pain in my thigh. The screen was clear save for a media player.

_'Richard Wagner – Forest Murmurs'_ streamed across the title display. Aha. I'd heard this before. In high school. I think it was one of the only things I put down my mobile to actually listen to. Across the room, the door was slightly ajar, and pitch black beyond. Still. Well. I'm staying in here, so there. I didn't like it out there.

I think it was the music that made me a bit pensive. I settled back down at the desk, folding my arms and laying my head down on them, nodding off to the music. Briefly, I entertained the thought of laying my head on someone's shoulder as I watched this live. In a sexy dress, of course. I have been a bit lonely, haven't I? Wandering further into the hushed theater of my fantasy, I could almost imagine the click of my little gold mules on the polished floor, hearing the steadily rising hum of an orchestra taking its first musical breath.

I must have dreamt, in some strange in-between state. I heard a soft voice speak first, and then another, slightly vexed.

"She wandered off the elevator. How she managed to find her way into my office is another thing entirely, though…"

"I think you did it on purpose. You get bored.?"

A muted chuckle. "Perhaps."

"And fell asleep on your desk. That's pretty special too. Special in the Miyuki way...What the hell did she do to herself now?" Did I feel a gentle fingertip above my bruise? There was a sigh behind this deeper tone. Almost affectionate, but still vaguely bitchy. Man bitchy.

That's the worst kind of bitchy.

"She didn't want to be in the dark. That's understandable. Or perhaps she was lured by the music…" Did I feel something shift to my right? A breeze and the very faintest smell of cologne? Something very soft and earthy. This was something I knew, too. "Being lured by Wagner…that's understandable too." A soft chuckle.

The other voice snorted derisively, and I felt like maybe I should open my eyes. But sleep held me firmly now, still pulling me back into the comfortable dark. Both voices were strangely familiar.

"Isn't being afraid of the dark something you outgrow when you're like…three?"

"Most humans are nyctophobic to some degree, Kevin."

Kevin? I struggled against sleep. That was his voice, wasn't it? That arrogant tenor. I am dreaming, now. I'm hearing the dead.

"I suppose." Came the drawl. "I'll finish what you asked of me, now."

"Of course. Good luck."

It was silent for a moment more as my brain sifted between reality and whatever the hell else was going on. I broke through the fog, eyes opening briefly to glance up at a halo of light around someone's head. I've died, and God is here. He's wearing fancy cologne…and a suit…

If I've died and gone to heaven, why is Kevin here?

I mean.

Blinking, I raised my head to focus on whoever was standing in front of me.

Oh. Uh. I froze, heart sinking to my ankles. I'm…in…trouble…

"S-sir!" I scrambled to my feet, chair drifting away towards the window. He folded his hands behind his back, smiling at me. "I, uh – lost, power out, the elevator is a racist, didn't wreck anything I swe—".

He held up a hand, cutting me off. "It's quite alright, Miss Itsumi." My boss and the richest man in the universe took a step closer to me, handsome face washed in starlight. "My employees are always welcome here. I constantly lament the fact that I cannot join them in the workplace more often."

I blinked rapidly at the thought of sitting next to Wilhelm in my lab. Scary. Sexy. But scary.

"Well, you're a busy dude…guy…man! Busy man!" I laughed, and then brought up my arms to express my love for his fancy office. "Nice place!"

He ran his toe back and forth against the ground, hands still clasped behind his back. Utter grace. "Shiny. Smooth." His full lips sounded the last syllable out slowly.

AGGHRAHGGLEEE FAGRRGLEE. DID HE SEE? OH GOD, HE SAW, DIDN'T HE? MY BOOTS WERE STILL UNZIPPED. AHHH. AHHH.

"You like my office eh, Miss Itsumi?" The amusement glittered in his eyes, childlike and easy.

"I don't blame you for not leaving this place, in a lot of ways. It's really…tranquil. I kinda…ran in here…felt safe and just…" I coughed, pretending to be interested in whatever was outside the window. WOW OUTER SPACE. I HAVE NEVER SEEN THAT BEFORE. IT'S LIKE I'M ON A SPACESHIP OR SOMETHING.

I glanced back at him, shuffling my foot nervously. He tilted his head at me, dark eyes swallowing starlight. "Are you afraid of the dark, Miss Itsumi?"

He's weird. I giggled, scared. Did I just snort? Please don't tell me I snorted. I was going to lie, of course. Who wouldn't? Oh sure, super hot rich guy, I am afraid of the dark. And spiders.

FUCK SPIDERS.

I must have gotten a steely glint in my eye, because he looked oh so politely puzzled. I look like that when I think about spiders. Jr. told me I looked like a competition duelist, and insisted on trying to teach me to shoot for an hour after. But really, I was just having a mental showdown with every spider in the universe. With my _mind. _

FUCK SPIDERS.

Oh yeah, he asked me a question. And I've been messing around in his office for an hour. Time had passed now, and _Lohengrin Prelude_ streamed out of the speakers, according to the display at his elbow. I flexed my wounded hand.

The dark? I gazed out into the velveteen blackness beyond the office, skin pricking and shifting at the memory.

"Yes. I don't like it. I feel like I lose control over what's happening around me. " I said without thinking, then covered my mouth in mortification. I tried to gloss over it. "There could be spiders! It's because I fall down a lot, too," I filled in quickly, and it wasn't a total lie. "I have more gravity than other people—"

He leaned forwards slightly, fair face inches from me, the smell of meadow grass and earth at twilight streaming from the music and clinging to his physical form, lulling me into comfortable oblivion. I blinked rapidly, felt the heat spread across my face – wished I wasn't so plain. In my mind's eye, I laid on that summer kissed starry hilltop, talking quietly to someone, wind cooling the dew hanging delicately from my lips and nose. The music picked up slightly, still weaving in an out of the air like a tangible presence. My heart rose with the gentle rise of the strings in the background. It was bittersweet and lilting.

He gently touched his fingers on my thigh, a breath above where the cut was still shiny in the light streaming from the window. "Do you like the music, Miss Itsumi?" His face was serene as he gazed at my cut, eyes a richer crimson than even my blood. He had fished a white handkerchief from his inside pocket and was gently wrapping it around my wound, pressing gently with thin fingertips. "I find sometimes even the most aggressive clients become lulled by Wagner."

I did. I hadn't even realized how much I was lost in it, standing in this place though I was, my mind was far, far elsewhere, head still resting on the shoulder of an unknown man, letting the music lend me wings. "I'm too dumb for this stuff." I said modestly, and truthfully. He knelt slightly, still studying my cut, silent. "I heard some Wagner in high school, from movies. But...if it's this wonderful now, I can only imagine it live."

This definitely piqued his interest as his head snapped up to hold me captive in a gaze too stern and ageless for his porcelain doll face. Facing away from me, he turned his face into the light. I blinked. For a moment, his shadow wasn't quite shaped as it should be. I shook my head and placed the blame on spiders. Or Jr. One of them.

"There's a very talented orchestra that plays in a concert hall on second Militia, not too far from the U.M.N's H.Q. They share Wagner's stories with the world very regularly."

My heart skipped a beat, I think.

"O-oh?"

The words hung in the air for a moment, layered with awkwardness. Awkwardness was a terrible topping. I really preferred nacho cheese. Lucky for me, Wilhelm broke it.

He stepped back to me and put a cool hand under mine, lifting it up to his chin. "I would be honored to have your company for Lohengrin." His lips pressed gently to my hand for a moment, before he let it slide over his fingers and my hand dropped to my side. Already, his were folded behind his back again. "I get lonely, when it's just me. A friend would make it twice as enjoyable." The smile that followed that sentence would have made Gaignun Kukai a gay man. _Flamingly gay. _

I nodded dimly. Oh god, he's going to figure out how stupid I am. This is terrible. "O-of course." My mind spun and did battle with invisible spiders. My eyes went steely again.

"I'll supply the tickets and—" he looked me up and down. "A dress, perhaps?"

"W-wha-"

He waved his hand nonchalantly. "It's just…managing to find a dress formal enough for the opera yet able to cover an array of extremely fair, bruised flesh may take one of my personal tailors." His laugh was like clouds drifting. He was typing away at his desk, kneeling over the keyboard, a fine figure cut out of black fabric and crisp white corners. Moving to the other end of the room, he pulled out a drawer that had been seamless with the black of the walls, thumbing through something before closing it and walking towards me, shadow again looking far bigger than it should have.

"Shadows," I said at last, unable to think of anything to say in response to his random kindness and my possible vision disorder. "Have been, and always will be full of spiders."

He smiled gently at me from the darkness, fingertips still faintly red from my blood.

AN: I finished. TIREDDD. Still experimenting. Again, OOC Wilhelm but I can't help it and I'm sorry. Miyuki's silly but she's not dumb…that dumb. Reviews appreciated.


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